Posted by: jenn11970 | August 28, 2008

Disfunction rears its ugly head

My youngest brother became a Dad out of wedlock on Aug 1st..  During his girlfriend’s pregnancy many of us speculated that P was NOT the Dad, but he was happy, and he proposed, and we had a big baby shower for the happy parents anyway……..because we loved him, the baby on the way, and by extension his shady girlfriend.  Well……sadly we were right.  My brother is crushed, and now all 4 of his siblings and his parents are left to pick up the pieces that were P.  On the side, his 4 siblings are full of rage and hatred for a girl who took advantage of their brother.  He is empty and feels like a fool.

He is numb because he loved (loves) them both.  He is torn.  The girl’s Dad suspected the baby might not be P’s so he requested a paternity test. Well, actually she suggested it because the man who is the real father was hounding her and her family, and her Dad pretty much insisted hoping the guy was wrong.  My brother did NOT want one done.  He didn’t want to know if the baby was his or not because he has been involved with this pregnancy from what he thought was day one.  We all became suspicious because her due date kept changing.  First it was Oct 4th.  Then it was Sept 28th.  Then it was Aug 23rd.  Then it was Aug 19th… which point it became Aug 12th because of her now telling my brother she was having a scheduled C-section.  At her last appt before the birth, which ended up being by c-section on July 30th, she told my brother they wanted to take the baby now because he had stopped growing.  NOW, I say, well duh……she was at term…..then we were all concerned.  The concern turned to suspicion when the baby was born 19 1/2 inches long and almost weighing in at 7 pounds.  Hmmmmm…. but still we followed my brother’s lead and were all ready to congratulate the young couple on their new baby.

My brother is now in the same hurt and anguish I felt 21 years ago.  Same but different, I know, but a loss nonetheless.  I would not wish that pain on my worst enemy, and I now have to sit by and watch and listen to him suffer.  He truly wanted that baby to be his.  This young naive 25 year old guy, prayed to God every night that this child would be his son.  Most 25 year olds would not be praying to be Dads when they aren’t married yet.  He did.  Most guys would have walked away when they found out there was a chance that the child their girlfriend was carrying might not be his.  He bought her a diamond ring and proposed.  He didn’t care.  He believed in his heart that she was telling him the truth about all the weird changes in her due dates.  He told the other guy off for constantly telling my brother he was a fool and that the baby wasn’t his.   He didn’t want to hear from anyone that he might be making a huge mistake because he trusted her, and felt no one would deliberately lie about something like this.  Boy how wrong he was.

This girl knew al along he wasn’t the Dad.  This girl manipulated him into giving her his paycheck every week so she could save the money for the baby.  Gone.  She was able to look my Mom in the eye and get addresses for all the women in our family for invitations to her baby shower, knowing this baby was no relation to us.  After getting the results she accepted gifts from various family members of our family celebrating the birth, and didn’t say a word.  IT’S LIKE SHE IS A SOCIOPATH!!!!   Well at least she gave him back the ring, but what the hell is he going to do with it??  He is too hurt to even think about it, and actually told her to keep it, but her Dad wouldn’t let her.  He used all of his vacation time after the birth to be with her and the baby, and now can’t even take a few days offf to get away for some mental health time!!!

I am white hot mad.  I am sure this post makes no sense, and the only reason I am blogging about it is becaue I am so angry and hurt for my brother, I had to get some of it out before I can truly support him.  I don’t want to saddle him with my baggage or anger, when he is slowly drowning.

Livid.  Pissed.  Disillusioned by the ability of someone to manipulate in the way she did.  Empty.  Grieving the loss of a nephew for my siblings, a grandchild for my parents, and a son for my brother.  Funny thing is, my family has always had this inside joke that we were functionally disfuntional.  This disfunction has really set us spinning.  I just pray that we all have the strength to keep my brother afloat.

Sorry again for the choppy, fragmented thoughts (and possible typos, I am not going to go back and edit, so sorry for that too…LOL!!)  I am feeling Disfunctional right now.  I will probably delete this in a few days, as I would hate for someone to stumble on this one day, and mistake my anger in any way.  I love my brother so much, I so wish I could take away his pain.  Sadly, I have no magic wand.



  1. help him out…look into the law…there is something to be said about women who do this and she may get herself in trouble because she did…

    I am sorry for him and for all of you but mostly the baby…the one who lost the father and family that would have loved it unconditionally…

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