Posted by: jenn11970 | May 7, 2008

My words had meaning

I speak to my cousin every day.  We chat while she is on her way to work in the morning and then again while she is driving home.  Sometimes it is a vent session for her since she is a widow and raising a nine year old boy on her own, sometimes it is vent session for me for any variety of reasons.  Usually my rants are adoption related and she is an excellent listener and has actually helped me in more ways than she will ever know.  (Love you Cuz!!)  We live 10 minutes from one another and also attend the same church.  She sings in the choir and her son sits with us rather than sitting alone.  It has been really nice having her live close by for the last year.

This past Sunday was First Communion.  She had to sing at the 11:45 instead of the 9:30, and I didn’t go to the 11:45 mass.  When we spoke on Monday she started to tell me about how wonderful the mass was on Sunday.  All the little girls in their dresses and the little boys all dressed up…..everyone was so happy and it was very refreshing to feel.  She then started to tell me that our Priest gave a wonderful homily, which he usually does, but that part of it really bothered her.  I guess he was talking about how God, the Church, your Faith, are part of your home.  He then addressed the kids making their First Communion and said to them,” your first home was in your Mommy’s tummy, and you were very happy there.  It seemed big enough, but then you were born and your “home” got REALLY big, but your Mommy was still there and it still felt like home.”  He then went on to talk to them about how important the similarities are in children’s appearance to their parents, and that as they grew up they would begin to see themselves in their parents and others would see their parents in them as well.  Something along those lines, I wasn’t there and I am paraphrasing big time.

My cousin has heard me.  My words had meaning to her.  My feelings have had meaning to her.  She said the first thing she thought of as she heard him talk about the children’s first home being inside their Mommy, was me.  She wondered how my daughter would feel at her First Communion if she had heard him say those things.  She worried about whether LO would understand.  She knows we are open, and that as LO gets older we will explain J’s role in her life and who she is, but she was really concerned that LO would feel “less than” the other kids.  I could hear that in her voice.  We got into a nice conversation about how parents have been dealing with this type of stuff in schools for a long time, and that I felt confident, thanks to on line friends, that as these types of things come up, I will handle them.

I am really glad she told me about his homily.  It is something I am going to file away for a future conversation with him.  He is very young, and very open-minded, so I know he will take it seriously and to heart.  I am not upset at what he said…..I am happy that my cousin heard the words, and knew that what he said had alienated some children. That, for me, was HUGE!!!!

My words had meaning……….not only for me, but for her.



  1. Jenn, that is so great to know that someone has heard you!

    for me, as an adoptee, I think I would have been very hurt and felt alienated if that had been my 1st communion.

    I’m glad that you plan on speaking to him.

  2. what a great post…and I am so glad that you will address this with him for the future…maybe your DD won’t hear those words at her First Communion.

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