Posted by: jenn11970 | January 31, 2008

Overwhelmed

Little One is getting so big and we have really been enjoying watching her grow and blossom. Whenever I get a little frustrated at life in general, I look over at her and forget all my problems. Her innocence, curiosity,genuine happiness, and life force are awe inspiring. At times like that, I love to see life through her eyes.

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I am a little frustrated with my relationship with her First Mom. She stayed with LO while we went to DH’s Holiday Party near the beginning of January. I haven’t heard from her since. She brought her boyfriend with her, (which I allowed, I knew we would be out till well past 11 pm, and I didn’t want her t be bored to death since DD goes to bed at 8pm.) and I truly thought giving her time alone with DD would be a good thing for both of them. DD talks about J all the time. She brings her photo book to me almost daily pointing J out immediately. Whenever we get ready to go out, she says, “Bye-Bye…. Go bye- Bye to J’s”. She doesn’t understand yet who J is, but clearly J is special to her.

I have always felt that the open relationship we have was good for all of us. I genuinely enjoy J’s family, and actually have gotten very close with her Mother. Her Mom is 2 years older than me, so we have a lot in common. I got an email from her Mom this week saying that J had moved out. However, she was supposed to be moving back home that day. HUH!!!!! I told V (J’s Mother) that I didn’t know anything, but to have J call me when she did get settled back home. It explained why she didn’t call me on my birthday, as she usually does, and why she hadn’t been on her MySpace page either. Then she logs on to her space yesterday, approves a message from me from the 17th of January, and logs back out. I am really at a loss. I really try to be understanding. I really do. I make excuses for her behavior constantly, but it is getting old to DH. He really wants to just let it go and if she wants to contact us then fine. He doesn’t want me to keep trying to keep the relationship going so one way. I of course disagree because we are the adults, and she is the teenager. I don’t mind backing off a bit, but I think we should be honest with her.

To add more crazy to all of this nonsense, J’s Mom, V, now wants to spend time with LO. She wants to take her to like Chuckee Cheese or something like it without us so LO can get to know her. Again, no problem, but I worry how J will see this. It hurts V that LO doesn’t really know her. V admits it is not my fault as I have tried in vain to get her to want to spend time with LO. She said she really realized it when I had to keep reminding her who V was at the Christmas get-together this year. LO recognized her, but didn’t really put the pieces together. It hurt V, and that was when she asked if she could have some time with her. No Problem. Will J be okay with this????? Don’t know since she hasn’t contacted me at all.

After hearing how upset Nic has felt lately, and knowing that J is much more immature than Nic, it has made me really rethink all of my pushing for visits. I am ALWAYS the one to initiate get-togethers, other than their family birthdays. I am ALWAYS the one to call and suggest lunch, shopping, or just a hey-I -will-pick-you-up-for-a-visit thing. maybe she needs space to be a teenager without us hanging over head. I know she loves LO, and I know she is okay on some days, and upset on others. Should I just give her the space I feel like she needs, but is unable to ask for out of fear and out of only being 18 yrs old?

So confused, and yes a bit overwhelmed. I often think I over-think our relationship, and should just let it develop as it may. Only time will tell, I guess. V is supposed to call me early next week to set up the play date for her and LO. If it happens at all. Let’s just say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and I am hopeful V is serious, but I have gone through this before…….time will tell. I must remind myself to stay positive.

Please don’t think I am slamming LO’s First mom or her family. I love them all dearly, and I am just really frustrated!!

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Responses

  1. First off, yeah, a post and a really good one too..
    I forget how young J is…18 so young…and her mom wow…2 years older then you wow… Spencer’s birth mom is in her near mid 20’s now and her parents have DH and I by 10 years…
    I would say that our relationship is mostly between D’s parents (D is b-mom)and us. D usually shows up at her mom and dad’s when we have an arranged visit which is always made with her schedule in mind first. We have met at her home but it is small and she has three dogs and that is hard for DH’s allergies..

    we were advised that the relationship would change and expected this too..maybe that is what is happening for you.

    I would not have problem with meeting with V and letting LO have time with her…V will make the choices she makes whether she has her moms support and she is after all the granddaughter. You have to go with what is good for DD mostly and if a relationship with V aside from the relationship with J is what it is then so be it…

    OF course as usual…JMHO

  2. whoops that is me…I have two one with my SIL for us to keep up with each other…

    sorry

  3. I was like…. who the???? Then when you mentioned Spencer, I knew. LOL!! Thanks for the insight. IT has really been hard. Maybe it is changing. She will be starting college in the fall (hopefully) so I am sure she will be busier than she is now. Day by day… all we can do.


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