Posted by: jenn11970 | October 12, 2007


I was reading some thoughts from some really great adult adoptees recently and they started talking about how important mirroring was to them as they grew up. Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly, it was not something I had ever heard of, and then I realized, because I am not adopted it is something I took for granted. The way my Mother and I both tilt our heads back when we laugh. We both talk with our hands, and when we listen to classical music we both close our eyes in a dreamy manner and move our head to the sounds. We make a lot of the same faces when we are angry, happy, or just plain confused. I just never really thought about it. I noticed tons of it at our family reunion this past summer. The similarities in personalities and traits passed from one generation to the next are so obvious when you have 4 generations of one family living together for a week.

I started to think about it. Is this as important to the First parents as it is the adoptee? For me, ABSOLUTELY!!! However, not prior to meeting her.  After meeting her, I couldn’t believe all the things we did and said and felt alike. It was so freaky strange for me when I met L, that I was afraid I was going to weird her out by all my staring! I am  heavier than she is, but seriously it was like looking into a mirror during my 20’s when I first saw her.

Now, this isn’t something L and I have talked about. To be honest, I don’t think I would know how to even  bring it up in conversation.  We have noticed we like the same books, we both love all kinds of music, we both play piano, we have a lot of facial features in common too.  We use some of the same lingo when we talk even though we both live in very different places.  When we talk to each other on the phone, we both flit from topic to topic, and then will go backtrack and we are still able to follow.  It is hard to describe it..LOL!!!

I guess for me, the mirroring is definitely something I am enjoying, and I hope it is special for her too.  We are very new to this reunion stuff, and when we talk, we rarely talk about the adoption aspect of our relationship.  We mostly talk like close friends.  I am not looking for trouble, I am content for now.  I know she will want to talk about it at some point and I will be here for her when it happens.

This First mom thinks it is wicked cool to see small pieces of herself in her daughter.  I am sorry for the years I missed, but I am so looking forward to the future, and getting to know more and more about her as the years go by.



  1. Hi,
    I just linked your post about being found to my blog after reading all your posts tonight. It took about 16 years of reunion before I allowed myself to appreciate mirroring, though my daughter remarked on it early on.

    I am really happy for you and your daughter.
    aka Justice

  2. I just added you to my blog roll after reading yours. I have learned so much from your daughter. I can’t begin to think where I would have been if I hadn’t paid attention to what she had to say on the forums. You are one lucky Mom!!


  3. Ya know I notice so many mannerisms that Spencer has that are also his birth moms…he will do something and I will say….OH that is soooooo D…and then Spencer will say I know I see her do somethings that I do…like he did them first and she is copying….LOL. So even at 6 he sees it and though he doesn’t understand it he sees it. It is cool for me to see too…D often remarks that she sees him do things like DH and I so it goes full circle. It is something I will miss with Gman…good post…good thoughts

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