Posted by: jenn11970 | September 7, 2007

Loss

Amazing

Aerosmith

I kept the right ones out

And let the wrong ones in

Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins

There were times in my life

When I was goin’ insane

Tryin’ to walk through

The pain

When I lost my grip

And I hit the floor

Yeah, I thought I could leave, but couldn’t get out the door

I was so sick and tired

Of livin’ a lie

I was wishin’ that I would die

Chorus:

It’s Amazing

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

It’s Amazing

When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright

It’s Amazing

And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot’s a permanent vacation

And how high can you fly with broken wings?

Life’s a journey not a destination

And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl

Before you learn to walk

But I just couldn’t listen to all that righteous talk

I was out on the street

Just tryin’ to survive

Scratchin’ to stay alive

(Chorus)

Those that know me may know I had a tragedy occur in my family. They may not be related me by blood, but they are related to my daughter, so therefore … they are family. If you read this J, and want me to pull it and delete it, let me know. I will do whatever will make you happy. I just had to get these feelings out someway. So this was my outlet.

J is the First Mom of our daughter D. C was her biological Dad. C was killed in a car accident on Easter Sunday. It has been a shock to many people and is testimony to how precious life is. He had just turned 19 in March. I cried. I cried for my daughter who will never remember the sound of his voice, or the tenderness with which he held her. I cried because I know J is devastated, and there is nothing anyone can say to help her. Nothing I can do to ease her pain, and take away her tears. I cried for my helplessness. I cried because we really hadn’t had the opportunity to know him. I mourned with the realization that a lot of times we expect the world to revolve around us. The reality is, we are here to evolve in it. To learn from each other, and grow with each other, and to take care of each other when someone is down. We evolve into empathetic people when we open ourselves up to other’s needs and then put those needs above our own wants and agendas. Compassion, understanding, warmth, and most of all allowing that person to only give what they can to you at that time, is what we need to do. This loss is going to be felt for a very long time.

All I know, is I will do what I can to help people through this. You don’t get over loss. You get through it. Your journey sometimes is to find yourself again. It may even be to recreate yourself for a time. Change is scary, but it is ultimately necessary, and should be embraced. We will never grow to our true and fullest potential without change. I will carry that young man’s memory with me to share with my daughter. I will always be here for J, and give her the space to grieve and find herself again.

One does not evolve over night, it too is a journey. Happiness and peace come from inside of you; no one can give it to you. You have to create your own happiness, and peace.


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Responses

  1. saying a prayer for J. and D. and you as you grieve C. I really have no adequate words.

  2. sadness…devastation…death is an awful end to such a young life…I am truly sorry for those who grieve.


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